I don’t think I’m alone in this, but if I got a nickel for every time I heard someone say, “Oh my life is such a soap opera” (or something to that effect) I could buy a studio apartment on the Upper West Side. You’ve heard that before, too. “My life IS this show!” “Watching [fill in the blank] is like watching a show of my life!” Hell, you’ve probably said something along those lines at least once. I know I have.

We all know it’s not true.

True, some media outlets (television shows, popular songs, movies) can present a hyped-up version of normal, everyday life (no one on TV really talks like that in real life!). But there’s a big difference between heightened reality and out-and-out lying. So, the difficulty in writing this play was trying to present something believable and realistic and entertaining (hell, you’ve paid your fifteen bucks; might as well have SOME fun tonight) without succumbing to the pitfalls of dramatic devices. In other words, write a piece of drama without all that drama.

Obviously, writing a play about the damning effects of television and mass media would be far too hypocritical (considering how many episodes of “elimiDATE” I’ve watched, I’m in no position to act superior). So, for good or for bad, television is here to stay. And, like it or not, it’s going to influence our personal lives.

The problem that the characters have in Mayonnaise Sandwiches is that they’ve seen and heard so many things about how they should be behaving, how they should be feeling and what they should be wanting, they have no idea how to behave, what they feel or what they want. Though seemingly dull, normal people, there’s enough fodder in their day-to-days lives to fuel numerous Lifetime Original Movies, countless sitcoms and Jerry Springer shows (on the surface, anyways).

So, with any luck, some of you will leave this play and say to a friend, “My life IS this show!”

And your friend will tell you you’re full of shit.

Rock on,

James Comtois